Since Sarah got to hold Elora first, I thought I should get a chance the next evening. I have to be honest that in some ways, even though I know she is my child, there have still been moments when it doesn't quite seem real. I know her feet look exactly like mine, but sometimes I still think, "Oh look, a baby in an incubator." Needless to say, getting to hold her made the connection to her a lot more powerful. Let the bonding begin! :)
It was a little nerve wracking during the move from the incubator to my arms. There is her breathing tube to keep in tact and then rest of her other monitors and tubes to keep track of. Once I had her though it was amazing how calm I was and how stable she was. By looking at a preemie you would think they would break by looking at them. She's solid though...just very light. It was fun to watch her heart beat and breathing patterns calm down almost instantly as she snuggled in.
Beyond the kangaroo cares, Elora has continued to be fairly stable. The doctors are still a bit perplexed about her digestive system. Although there has been some small movements, we're still waiting for the big blow out. We're continuing to watch and see and if something doesn't break free fairly soon, a small procedure may be necessary next week. We'll just have to wait and see though.
I had a good "A-ha" moment the other day. I was feeling discouraged because things seemed like they weren't happening as fast as I wanted them to. We are praying and hoping for certain outcomes (bowel movement, decreased blood in the brain, etc) so much that when I didn't see progress the way I wanted, I had moments where I didn't want to pray or hope anymore. "What good does it really do anyway?" I thought. It's true that I felt guilty about it, but I think God is big enough to handle my bad attitude and understands my feelings. This morning I woke up with a new perspective. Namely that God, babies and life in general really don't conform to my timeframe and the way I think things should happen. That is probably a good thing. So as I wait, I keep in mind the following from the book of James (The Message version):
It was a little nerve wracking during the move from the incubator to my arms. There is her breathing tube to keep in tact and then rest of her other monitors and tubes to keep track of. Once I had her though it was amazing how calm I was and how stable she was. By looking at a preemie you would think they would break by looking at them. She's solid though...just very light. It was fun to watch her heart beat and breathing patterns calm down almost instantly as she snuggled in.
Beyond the kangaroo cares, Elora has continued to be fairly stable. The doctors are still a bit perplexed about her digestive system. Although there has been some small movements, we're still waiting for the big blow out. We're continuing to watch and see and if something doesn't break free fairly soon, a small procedure may be necessary next week. We'll just have to wait and see though.
I had a good "A-ha" moment the other day. I was feeling discouraged because things seemed like they weren't happening as fast as I wanted them to. We are praying and hoping for certain outcomes (bowel movement, decreased blood in the brain, etc) so much that when I didn't see progress the way I wanted, I had moments where I didn't want to pray or hope anymore. "What good does it really do anyway?" I thought. It's true that I felt guilty about it, but I think God is big enough to handle my bad attitude and understands my feelings. This morning I woke up with a new perspective. Namely that God, babies and life in general really don't conform to my timeframe and the way I think things should happen. That is probably a good thing. So as I wait, I keep in mind the following from the book of James (The Message version):
"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."
Wow, thanks for sharing. Your honesty and transparency is encouraging and so easy to relate to. I think most of parenthood is some form of learning that we do not have the control. You are obviously getting a crash course, but it sounds like you are gaining some inspirational perspectives. Thanks for sharing.
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